It was all my fault,
Doubtless that I was such a horrible and
Ominous little figure for everyone.
No one suspected different, as you were
The lovely item, chased
By adoring fans, while I walked on
Empty with nothing but
Love, waiting for
Its release. They didn't know your
Evil intentions, or that you were
Villainous, secretly set out to
Exploit me in all my
Youthful bliss. But because I bore the mark
Of despair, you were able to hold me down
Under, so no one would hear me scream.
...
If every
Word
Released could
Ignite
The next
Embers to light
A contagious fire,
Lyrics that
Overrun my pages would
Take lives at their desire.
...
Yet no
One comes to her
Under her bed, telling her to have
Courage
And faith.
No one will
Be there to stop him from his own
End,
And take the pills from
His hand.
Everyone is aware, but it takes a
Real hero to help us who have strayed to
Overcome.
Excellent. Beautiful words my friend
ReplyDeleteYour parenthetical explanations loosen up the heavy tone of each poem, and make them feel direct and a little cute. I like this, but also think that it takes away my need for analysis, and realization that you have written some acrostic poetry. The first two are my favorite. The enjambment in the first one is well done, and my favorite part is where you talk about the expoitation of youthful bliss. In that one, did you mean to use the word "hole" or hold? The second one is brilliant, but I've always been a fan of "skinny" poems. The tone of the last one didn't fit the message as easily for me. Images of someone crawling under a bed are disturbing for me, and not associative with heroism. Maybe it is because I am of the Poltergeist generation, though. I think that the poem would benefit from a more comforting image at the onset, but perhaps not. I realize that you're talking about helping someone out from under the bed, but the first time through it had a different impact for me than what you intended. Hmmm . . . It's something to think about. What does everyone else think?
ReplyDeleteOops... I actually posted this on the wrong blog... I meant to post it on mine. ^.^"
ReplyDeleteBut thank you for the insight. :)
ReplyDeleteI got the intended message the first time (and i LOVE Poltergeist). What I like is that she deviated a little from the normal acrostic of just one word per line (how i learned it). I think the paranthesis took a little away, I like the mystery of looking for the message. :)
ReplyDelete